I knew the day I left school at the age of 15 without any qualifications that I had already failed on an epic scale. My first job of catching mice and making tea in a factory paid me £2.17s 6p for a 55-hour week. The only positive memory I took from school, was of an inspiring English teacher, who explained how anyone could succeed at the highest level imaginable. Inspired by this same teacher, two of my classmates went on to become world-renowned rock musicians, another was an Olympic athlete and another pupil became a television household name. The teacher’s parting words, to me as I left school for the last time, were, “For the rest of your life, remember, if you want to achieve, you must think differently. Think the same as everyone else, and you will achieve just the same.” From that day on, I made a promise to myself to try to think differently in everything I did. This led to me securing the most enviable, prestigious client list imaginable, which included the Royal Family, The House of Commons, The National Gallery, Rolls Royce, Chanel, Harrods, many London Investment Banks and several celebrities; including Richard Branson, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Kim Kardashian among others. By being focused, to the point of obsession, I became the European 200 metres butterfly champion and set many British, European and World records. My extremely obsessive nature, and desire to succeed has led to me appearing in news and television features in 42 countries around the world, and being the subject of a Discovery Channel documentary. I go to greater lengths than anyone else in the world in an effort to produce art smaller than a human red blood cell by taking tablets to lower my pulse to 20 beats a minute, then working between heartbeats!
My last exhibition in Kelso, Scotland sold out in just two minutes, with sales of over £400,000 for art that was invisible to the naked eye. I am now considered by multi-millionaire fine-art investors around the globe to be the most talented artist alive today. Of course I don’t believe it, but I’m sure you’ll understand that being a thick Brummie, it’s good for my ego to hear this!